IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.
#bar #shares #expenditures #five #categories #states #canada #kingdom #japan #year
The bar chart illustrates the proportions of
expenditures
Change the noun form
expenditure
show examples
shares
 for five different categories in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Canada,
UK
 and Japan in a time slot
that is
 2009.
Overall
, it is obviously presented that almost all nations had the most
shares
 for housing,
while
 the lowest
shares
 portions recorded for Health Care and Clothing in the given year. In terms of food,
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
expenditures
Change the noun form
expenditure
show examples
shares
 were
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 around 23% being higher than
UK
’s
shares
 by approximately 3%. Canada and
USA
 had around 15% and 13% sharing percentages, respectively. Housing Spending
Shares
 hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 just over 25%,
while
UK
 and Japan
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
registered
a share values
Correct the article-noun agreement
share values
a share value
show examples
 of about 24% and 22% to outrace Canada’s Share by around 3%. As is seen, Transportation’s spending
shares
 were 20% in Canada, and it accounted for 17% and 15% in
UK
 and
USA
 respectively.
However
, Health care and clothing had the least
shares
 proportions of around 4% in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and 6% in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
Submitted by ayham_a96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words shares, usa, uk with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: