The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of free
time
per week
both for men and women
in five
categories
of employment status from 1998 to 1999.
Overall
, It is clear that
men enjoyed more hours
of leisure
time
per week
than women
in
three out of five categories
. However
, only figures for women
are shown in two categories
,
namely employed part-time
and housewives.
Among the full-time
employed people, obviously
men had slightly more Add a comma
,obviously
leisure
time
than
women
, with approximately 45 hours
of free time
per week
, compared to around 38 hours
for women
. Obviously, unemployed and retired people had the longest period of leisure
activity
of both genders. Add an article
the activity
Moreover
, the figures for retired males and females were exactly
the same as those for the unemployed, at around 85 and 78 hours
of free time
per
week
, respectively.
Housewives enjoyed 50 hours
of spare time
, a little more than part-time
and full-time
working women
who had just over 40 and 38 leisure
hours
each week
, respectively but less
than
the unemployed and retired Replace the word
then
women
. No data gave for employed and housewives of
these categories
.
183 words.Submitted by ssirirat on
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, week, women, categories, hours, leisure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eleventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifteenth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixteenth paragraph.
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