IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The line graph illustrates three different kinds of crimes that occurred in Newport city center between 2003 and 2012.

The line graph illustrates three different kinds of crimes that occurred in Newport city center between 2003 and 2012.
#line #three #kinds #crimes #newport #city #center
On the
line
Add a comma
,line
show examples
graph
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 you can see different types of
crime
 that
ocurred
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in the city of Newport
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2003 to 2012. To summarize on the
line
graph
 we can see 3 types of crimes, Burglary, car theft,
Robbery
Correct word choice
and Robbery
show examples
. The
year
 2004 was the highest criminal activity that
ocurred
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in Newport. 3500 houses were robbed, more than 2500 cars were stolen, and 500 people were victims of
robbery
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
year
2005
Add a comma
,2005
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes decreased a lot 3000 hosses got robbed, less than 2500 were stolen and
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 but least
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
crime
 was the
year
 2012. In
this
year
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 decreased a large amount. More than 1500 houses got robbed, 2000 cars were stolen and less than 500 were victims of
robbery
.
Overall
 on the
graph
line
Add a comma
,line
show examples
 we can see
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
crime
 rate has
change
Change the verb form
changed
show examples
 a lot over the years in the city of Newport. In just 9 years, the Burglary went
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 3500 to 1000, the theft number decreased a lot, and the
Robbery
 is mostly the some those 9 years.
Last
 but not least the
graph
line
 shows
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
crime
 rate between 2003 -2012 in which the
year
 2004 was the most dangerous
year
 of all. With more than 3500 houses robbed, 2500 cars
stolenand
Correct your spelling
stolen and
stolen
 500 people were victims of
robbery
.
Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words line, graph, crime, robbery, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: