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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.
#maps #show #centre #town #islip #plans #development
The maps present the town
that is
 planned to be
and
Correct word choice
apply
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reconstrued.
Overall
, It is shown that the centre of the town has less infrastructure and facilities, that are included
into
Change preposition
in
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 the planned development. Centre now has one
unconvenient
Correct your spelling
inconvenient
 main road, the new plan, as it
Add a missing verb
is shown
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shown
Add the auxiliary verb
was shown
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, suggests a circled road, surrounding all of the new facilities that are given. There are no facilities, except
Correct article usage
a park
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park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 and shops. In
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 given plan there is
also
 a park, which remains
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but declines in size. School
is
Change the verb form
also remains
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also
 remains at the same place,
however
,
instead
 of declining, has been made bigger in
new
Add an article
the new
a new
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 suggested plan. It
also given
Add the auxiliary verb
is also given
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 that the dual carriageway
were
Change the verb form
was
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 included
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when now it is only one Housing was replaced and
instead
 of
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it
Add a comma
,it
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 new housing will be constructed
on
Change preposition
in
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 its place.
Bus
Correct article usage
A bus
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 station, shopping centre and car park are going to
be build
Change the verb form
be built
show examples
.
Submitted by azatorazalin on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, instead".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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