The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
The given pie charts illustrate the average proportions of
sodium
, saturated fats and added sugars in
breakfast
,
lunch
,
dinner
and
snacks
consumed in the USA.
Overall
, both
sodium
and saturated fat are
intake
Change the noun form
intakes
show examples
most in
dinner
while
the figure of added sugar takes up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most part of
snacks
.
To begin
with, the percentage of the consumption of
sodium
during
dinner
is the highest among all 43%, followed by 29% in
lunch
. The figure for
sodium
consumed in
snacks
and
breakfast
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
same at 14%.
Secondly
, similar to
sodium
, the proportion of saturated fat intake in
dinner
is larger than others at 37%. The average percentages of consumption of saturated fat in
lunch
,
snacks
and
breakfast
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
are 26%, 21% and 16% successively.
Lastly
, the figure for added sugar consumed ranges from 16% in
breakfast
to 42% in
snacks
.
while
the proportions of added sugar intake
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
and
lunch
are 23% and 19% respectively.
Submitted by 18701001331 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: