IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #two #periods
The table illustrates the
number
 of
Ashdown
Museum
's visitor during the
period
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
before and after
refurbishment
 during the year,
while
 the pie chart
display
Change the verb form
displays
show examples
 the satisfaction levels of guest during the two periods.
Overall
, the
number
 of visitors who went to
Ashdown
Museum
 before it was refurbished was higher than those who went after
refurbishment
.
In addition
,
while
 the
number
 of
people
 who were dissatisfied level in before the
refurbishment
period
 was the highest proportion, the
number
 of visitors who were satisfied in the
period
 after
refurbishment
 was the most. The
number
 of visitors who went to
Ashdown
Museum
 before
refurbishment
 was less than those who went there the after
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
, accounting for 74,000 and 92,000. Turning to visitor satisfaction,
people
 who went to
Ashdown
Museum
 before
refurbishment
 had dissatisfied and very dissatisfied,
at
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half, being responsible for 40 and 10
people
, respectively.
While
 the
number
 of
people
 who had very satisfied was 15, there are 30
people
 who were satisfied. In the after-
refurbishment
period
, the figure for
people
 who were very satisfied and were satisfied was over half, at 35 and 40, respectively.
In addition
,the proportion of
people
 who had dissatisfied was 15 and the figure for
people
 who were very dissatisfied and no response
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 equal at 5.
Submitted by vanil on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, ashdown, museum, period, refurbishment, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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