IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

some people believe that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
It is true that most respiratory problems come from
pollution
.
While
 I accept that to prevent
illnesses
 and
diseases
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should focus on reducing
pollution
, I strongly believe that there are much better ways to keep
people
being
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 infected. As we live in urbanization, everyone can see
construction
Add an article
the construction
show examples
 of premises in every
parts
Change to a singular noun
part
show examples
 of the world, and it has adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of air
as well as
 water contamination. First and foremost,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should reduce
construction
Add an article
the construction
show examples
 of buildings in order to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of air and water.
Furthermore
, poor quality of air and water is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 root of
diseases
 and
illnesses
 related to
gut
Correct article usage
the gut
show examples
 and lungs.
For example
, factories produced toxic gases which eroded
ozone
Correct article usage
the ozone
show examples
 layer and pollute
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
show examples
, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 would able to cut
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of amenities and
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of toxins, it helps to enhance our nature and environment, and it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to change for the better.
On the other hand
, there
quite
Add a missing verb
are quite
show examples
 a lot of fundamental methods to prevent
diseases
 and
illnesses
, and improve
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 health of citizens. One way is
informing
Change the verb form
to inform
show examples
 individuals about current
diseases
, and they can take steps. Take as an example Covid-19,
this
 disease emerged on purpose and it is not
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from
pollution
 or housing problems. Ministry organization arranged awareness events, and warned about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of
this
 disease on social media and on TV
such
 as "stay at home" and "quarantine". The second way is allocating money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
pharmacy
Fix the agreement mistake
pharmacies
show examples
 and for
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of gyms so that
people
 can take benefits.
For instance
, by improving vaccines and building fitness areas
people
 can improve their general health. In conclusion, focusing on decreasing
pollution
 and
construction
 issues is one of the decent methods to prevent
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
 of
diseases
 and
illnesses
,
while
 there are more virtuous ways to keep
people
being
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 infected.
Submitted by gulihabibullayeva6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: