The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the number of men and women in full and part-time employment in Australia between 1973 and 1993.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
chart is from the Labour Force Survey which illustrates the trend of males and
females
in full and part-time jobs in Australia from 1973 to 1993. The proportion of full-time males in 1993 increased significantly from 25% in the group of
age
15 and hit 100% after 29, it gradually decreases and it was close to 0% in the
age
65 or above,
while
the same proportion was approximately 20% higher in 1973. The number of part-time males is very low, it only exceeded 20% among ages 15-19 in 1993 and it was under 10% in 1973 and other
age
groups.
By comparison
, the figure for full-time
females
starts from 20% in 1993 and 50% in 1973, it hit 60% at the
age
of 25, there is a 20% decline in the group of 20-35, which increases
then
that but gradually decreased to below 10% after the
age
of 60. The proportion of
females
part-time part is greater
while
the highest number hits 35% in 1993, which was 20% higher than in 1973, it
also
shows the
overall
trend of part-time
females
in 1993 is higher than in 1973. In conclusion, people between the ages of 20 and 35 enjoy working full-time jobs the most,
while
most of them begin to retire after 60.
Submitted by 15280151 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words females, age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: