Being a celibrity –such as a famous film start or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Nowadays smoking
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
becoming more popular in each country, especially in public places and I think that it is all to the detriment. In my opinion smoking in public places should be banned, so I quite agree with
this
, because smoking will never lead to good.
However
there are a lot
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
which get enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
,
that's
Correct word choice
and that's
show examples
why they get used to
smoke
Replace the word
smoking
show examples
.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
nobody forbids doing it, but I think that in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
smoking should be banned. When people smoke cigarettes emit harmful smoke,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it can harm others. From all
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
we can conclude that smoking kills people.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: