IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given pie charts indicate how much
time
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 spent
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 6 different activities which
worker
Replace the word
work
show examples
in
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 country did in 1958 and 2008.
Overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people spent their
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working, and the second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
activity was sleeping. In detail, the percentage of working was occupied 33% in 1958,
while
 that of working was 42% in 2008. 8% of people spent their
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
relaxing at home in 1958, which was
Add an article
an increase
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 13% in 2008. In terms of travel to work and
toehr
Correct your spelling
other
 interests
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 playing sports, the percentage was 2% and 6% in 1958, each. Those categories
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in 2008 (8% and 8%).
In contrast
, 32% of people spent their
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sleeping in 1958, which was much
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 the percentage of 2008's sleeping category (25%). Especially, the figure for going out stood up
19
Change preposition
at 19
show examples
% in 1958, which was
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 6% in 2008.
Submitted by yoohj0802 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: