Many offenrs commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In recent days, many criminals break the
law
again after they are released. In
this
essay, I will explain the reason for it and the solution to prevent it. One of the reasons why they still want to conduct the crimes is because the offenders do not feel punished by the
punishment
. In a nutshell, the
law
system
wants to create regret for the offender through the
punishment
system
such
as
jail
and community service.
However
, in the reality, the
system
in
such
places is not sufficient enough which makes them not feel regretful.
For example
, in Indonesia, there is a bribery case where a corruptor whose costs 1000 billion rupiahs to the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
tax money can get an extremely comfortable
jail
room. There are TV, AC and Refrigerator inside of the place.
This
kind of
jail
room will not give any offenders a regret
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their actions. As the solution to all of the
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, the
government
might optimize the
law
punishment
system
. There are two approaches that
government
can do which are the
law
system
approach
and the security
approach
. Through the
law
system
approach
, the
government
could revise the bare minimum level for someone to be placed behind the bar. As an idea, a person who only steals a small amount of money may only get community service responsibility rather than being placed in
jail
.
This
could prevent someone to be influenced
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
a bad environment inside the prison. Meanwhile, in the security
approach
, the
government
might spend money to enhance the
system
and give a proper salary to workers inside the
jail
so they will be strengthened if they need to face
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bribery or other crimes that could be conducted inside the bar. As an illustration, some who have enough salary will not be bothered to accept a bribe.
Therefore
, it is essential to make sure that the
system
inside the prison is optimized. In conclusion, it is important to make sure criminals got enough and appropriate
punishment
so they will not recommit their crimes. To realize
this
, the
government
needs to optimize the
law
system
approach
and the security
approach
.
Submitted by regina.christella7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: