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Band 4.5

In many countries, people are working increasingly longer hours. What are reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative effect?

#countries #people #hours #effect
Overwork can make
people
USE
 SYNONYMS communitycrowdfamilyfolknationpopulationpublicsociety It is important to
use
 synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and
use
 the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
stressed
Replace the word
Stress
show examples
also
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the
health
 of a
person
. meanwhile, In numerous countries employees are overworking and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it is a negative
effect
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will be discussing
this
 in the following paragraphs. To commence with, The main reason why
people
work
 for
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
hours
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
 to the
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
 problems in some
people
's life having
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of responsibilities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the family and some
work
over
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
time
 and hard to get promotions and reach
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
a certain position to achieve their life goals.
for instance
, one of my
Correct your spelling
colleague
college
colleagues
collegue
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 who was appointed with me as a teacher always wanted to achieve a higher position and for
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 he was always working hard and one day he became a director of education.
as a result
, working for longer
hours
 can
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
people
's
health
. meantime overtime
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 can give a short
time
 benefit to a
person
 but they can not
work
 for a
Correct your spelling
longer
show examples
loner
Correct your spelling
longer
show examples
 period of
time
 .
For example
, if a
person
 is always working and not doing anything else it will increase his stress level and
then
 it will gradually
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 in
person
's
health
.
moreover
, if the
person
 is always working and spending less
time
 with his family eventually his bond with
family
Correct pronoun usage
his family
show examples
decrease
Fix the agreement mistake
decreases
show examples
 and the money he is making will be of no
use
 if your family is not around you. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
,
though
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in various countries
people
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for longer
hours
 for numerous reasons.
however
, it
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 negative impacts like
health
 problems, can't
work
 for longer
hours
 and
lower
Wrong verb form
lowering
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
level
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 family bond.
hence
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 my opinion, it is a negative
effect
.
Submitted by geekaayy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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