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Band 4.5

Some people fell unsafe either staying at home or going out. What are the possible reasons for this? what can be done to address this issue?

#people #home #address
Since
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
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revolution
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,revolution
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 our world has been developing in technological
mean
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means
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,
on the other
hand
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,hand
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 mental health getting less
resistable
Correct your spelling
resistible
 to pressure from the outside. It led to
appearance
Add an article
the appearance
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 of some mental issues
such
 as
claustraphobia
Correct your spelling
claustrophobia
, hydrophobia, and the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of being unsafe everywhere. Since the
hystory
Correct your spelling
history
 of
claustraphobia
Correct your spelling
claustrophobia
 is way too sophisticated and hydrophobia is an aftermath of
drown
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drowning
show examples
people
, it is better to talk about the feeling of unsafety. What caused it, and how does it affect the daily life of the person?
Firstly
, the prime reason for
this
 fear is
surrounding
Add an article
the surrounding
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 environment. In ancient days our ancestors had improved self-awareness throughout their
experience
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experiences
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 and discoveries. Even when the peaceful days
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 started, at the beginning of
2nd
Correct article usage
the 2nd
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millenium
Change the capitalization
Millenium
millennium
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, the feeling's still
remained
Wrong verb form
remain
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 till nowadays. In the
present
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,present
show examples
 there is no war an enormous conflict, but the level of the crime. Due to
this
 some
people
 prefer staying at home.
Secondly
, after the internet got introduced to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity,
people
 have got lots of possibilities online. Now an internet user may search for everything he'd like to know, offer something
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a distance and everyone can make a conversation with anyone. For the biggest dismay,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
also
 gave opportunities to scam or
bully
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bullying
show examples
 anonymously.
This
resulted
Add the preposition
inresulted
fromresulted
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 development of
cyberbulling
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
 and the worst - hacking. Now scammers can get your personal information if you
clicked
Wrong verb form
click
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 on the wrong application or link.
People
 who got
such
 experience will have the feeling of unsafety at home. When
people
 had experienced both situations, the feeling of being unsecure appears. It causes the person
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
Correct article usage
an introvert
show examples
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 or being sociophob. To decrease the number of
such
 situations, let's teach everyone cybersafety and
self defence
Add a hyphen
self-defence
show examples
.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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