Some people feel that music should be taught in schools while others belief it is better to focus on the sciences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is believed that
musical
Replace the word
music
show examples
classes are
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
at schools and they should be replaced by more practical courses like science-based subjects. In my point of view,
music
is not a mandatory subject,
however
, it should not be removed completely from
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
curriculum. Supporters
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the idea that science should replace musical
lessions
Correct your spelling
lessons
permanently would argue that S.T.E.M subjects are more practical and can ensure brighter careers for their children. In our digitalized society, a surge of technology companies
such
as Facebook, Microsoft and IBM often seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
talented graduates from
science related
Add a hyphen
science-related
show examples
subjects
such
as I.T experts, engineers or programmers. And the wage for these positions
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
very competitive which can ensure comfortable lives for these experts.
As a result
, with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rising demand
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
science occupations, more and more youngsters are willing to invest in technical careers,
for example
, India is a typical example
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
thousands of IT experts to many companies around the world.
On the other hand
, learning
music
at schools can help students enhance their knowledge and traditional values about their culture and national identity. Every country has their own form of art that needs to be inherited by the following generations.
Teching
Correct your spelling
Teaching
courses about traditional
music
and musical
intruments
Correct your spelling
instruments
at schools may be beneficial in maintaining these values.
Moreover
, some students have special abilities and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
of
music
. Early exposure to
music
at school will nurture and discover gifted children in a country. With appropriate guidance and orientation, these talented students may become potential famous artists who create invaluable musical products
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the world. In conclusion, while I acknowledge
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
importance of scientific classes, I
also
believe that
music
is an inevitable part and should be
remained
Correct your spelling
retained
show examples
in the school curriculum.
Submitted by npanhtuan09 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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