The first smartphone was released in 1992. By then year 2020 there may be as many as 2.5 billion smartphones in the world. The use of smartphones is decreasing our collective intelligence because we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that within a short span of time the development of a mobile phone is

commentable

worthy of high praise

commendable

. In my opinion, we,

humans hugely

Accept comma addition

humans, hugely

depend on

this

piece of equipment in our day to day

life

;

therefore

, the

life

can be planned intellectually. One significant point here is

organisation

Suggestion

organised

Suggestion

a day with much precision.

In other words

this

gadget assists to plan to do list based on the priority and a special software remind the user to act at

correct timing

Suggestion

the correct timing

For example

, alarm clock gives a walk up call every morning and reminder tells whose birthday today or anniversary. By doing

these

denotes a person or thing

this

, the user can function more effectively since he would memorize to

fullfil

put in effect

fulfil

his responsibility at

right time

Suggestion

the right time

. Another reason why I think that depending on a smartphone is effective because many applications in the electronic devices would minimize the human work in a dramatic rate.

In other words

, there are different kinds of equipment are replaced by the mobile phone and

this

Suggestion

handy one, which can carry everywhere. Eventually,

this

is bought by millions as they

improves

Suggestion

improve

the work efficiency to a

highest

Suggestion

higher

point.

This

can easily understand,

for instance

, by calculating daily expenses and storing contacts

unlimitedly

to a server, which was previously done by the man himself. Alternatively, there is a chance of happening errors, if it is done by a human mind. In conclusion, currently, the digital devices, cell phones,

uses

Suggestion

use

all walks of

life

this

can change the way of people think, plan and live their

life

. I, strongly, believe that the device enables us to take

decision

Suggestion

a decision

the decision

decisions

wisely and skilfully.

Submitted by Sal on Sat Aug 15 2020

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secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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The first smartphone was released in 1992. By then year 2020 there may be as many as 2.5 billion smartphones in the world. The use of smartphones is decreasing our collective intelligence because we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, many governments have brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, restaurants and offices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree?

Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?