The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world

The pie charts compare the proportion of

water

consumption for various usages in six

regions

of the world. Looking more closely at the trend of the charts, it can be clearly seen that, apart from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

North

America

and Europe where

water

is mostly used by industry,

agricutural

Correct your spelling

agricultural

agriculture

accounts

fir

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

the majority of

water

Add an article

the water

show examples

used in all

regions

According to

the charts,

agricuture

Correct your spelling

agriculture

is the main reason for

water

consumption in all areas except North

America

and Europe, ranging from 71% to almost 90%.

On the contrary

, about one-

third

water

Add an article

the water

show examples

is used for

agricutural

Correct your spelling

agricultural

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

in Europe and North

America

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

roughly half of

water

Add an article

the water

show examples

soncumed

Correct your spelling

consumed

by industry in the two

regions

whereas

less than 13% of

water

is used for the same purpose in

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

four areas.

In addition

, among the percentage of domestic use, the figure is highest in South

America

, accounting for approximately 19% of the total

water

use. Meanwhile,

this

usage represents the lowest proportion in the other

regions

, ranging from 7% to 15%. In

conslusion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

argricuture

Correct your spelling

agriculture

makes up for the majority of

water

usage

among

Change preposition

show examples

many

region

Change to a plural noun

regions

show examples

Submitted by Kise Asanami on Thu Jan 26 2023

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words water, regions, america with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

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7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

3 paragraphs

184 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

One main idea per paragraph

Include an introduction and conclusion

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical resource: 4.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms

Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.0

Answer all parts of the question

Use an appropriate tone

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The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music?

In the last century when a human astronaut first arrived on the Moon he said: “It is a big step for mankind”. But some people think it makes little difference to our daily life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring.To what extent do you agree?

Some parents think that helping their children with homework is good. Others think children should do their homework on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.