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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
#proportion #population #three #countries
The graph below provides information about the bonus of the society aged 65 and over during the 1940 to 2020 period in 3 different territories.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the lowest ratio of elderly people
were
Change the verb form
was
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 represented by Japan.
While
,
on the
contrary
Add a comma
,contrary
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 the highest percentage of the latter was present in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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. In 1940 the proportion of elderly people in the USA went through many considerable fluctuations during the period from 1940 until 2040 where it estimated a gradual growth,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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 compared to the beginning the USA ratio
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 drastically, becoming
in
Change preposition
apply
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2040 the territory with the lowest percentages. Some fluctuations occurred in Sweden as well,
in
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apply
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1940
this
 territory accounted
5
Change preposition
for 5
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% of
ancient
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an ancient
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 population,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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 it accomplished a markedly rose in 1980,
then
 following other fluctuations until 2020, Sweden had a rapid
and
Correct word choice
apply
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increase
Replace the word
increasingly
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 becoming the
second
 country with the highest chunk of those people.
On the other hand
, at the
beginning
Add a comma
,beginning
show examples
 Japan was the country that accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 lowest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 of these individuals.
This
 situation drastically changed starting from
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2020 until
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2040 years,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 a
sharply
Change the word
sharp
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 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
changed
Replace the word
change
show examples
 occurred, making Japan the country with the highest fee
Submitted by turcotonia11 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 3 times.
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