IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

the charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

the charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world
The pie charts illustrate
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the percentage of
Add an article
the stream
show examples
stream
Fix the agreement mistake
streams
show examples
 used for
intents
Fix the agreement mistake
intent
show examples
 in North
America
, South
America
,
Europ
Correct your spelling
Europe
show examples
, Africa, Central
Asia
 and South
Asia
.
According to
 the pie
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
 there are have 3 different purposes
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
adoption
Replace the word
adopting
show examples
 the drink
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
industrial treatment, agricultural need and domestic handling. The first pie chart is North
America
 have 48% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrial, 39%
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
agricultural and 13%
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
domestic. The
second
 is South
America
 have 10%, 19% and 71% for industrial, agricultural and domestic respectively. The
thrid
Correct your spelling
third
show examples
 is
Europ
Correct your spelling
Europe
show examples
 have a deluge for industrial service more than
another country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
, Agricultural and domestic have 32% and 15% respectively. And the remaining 3
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Africa, Central
Asia
 and Southeast
Asia
 have aided in handling the precipitation are similar. So the
intend
Replace the word
intention
show examples
 to benefit monsoon for industrial have 7%, 5% and 12% respective country. For agricultural have 84%, 88% and 81% respectively. And the
last
 domestic have 9% in Africa, Central
Asia
 and Southeast
Asia
 have 7% equal. In conclusion,
Europe
Change preposition
in Europe
show examples
exactly
Add a missing verb
has exactly
show examples
 53% of the
industrial
Replace the word
industry
show examples
 more than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 areas. Central
Asia
 has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
another country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
. And South
America
 have 19% for domestic.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words america, asia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: