IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The diagram below show the change that have taken place ar queen mary hospital since its construction in 1960.

The diagram below show the change that have taken place ar queen mary hospital since its construction in 1960.
#show #change #place #ar #queen #mary #construction
The diagram
revels
Correct your spelling
reveals
show examples
 the
infomation
Correct your spelling
information
 about the development of
befull
Correct your spelling
befall
 st. Joseph school over three different periods between 1950,1980 and 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the plan is for
enlargement
Correct article usage
the enlargement
show examples
 of
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
park
. It can be seen that, in 1960, there were four buildings which were
shopping
Correct article usage
a shopping
show examples
centre
, hospital, farmland, and
car
park
.
After
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 years later,
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
centre
 and farmland
demolished
Add a missing verb
were demolished
show examples
 and rebuild to three new buildings were cancer
centre
 , pharmacy
also
 nursing school.
Furthermore
,
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 and
car
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 remain
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 from 1960 to 1980.
on the other hand
, in 2000 the size of
cancer
Correct article usage
the cancer
show examples
centre
 was extended .
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nursing school and
car
park
half
Add a missing verb
are half
show examples
 in space.
Although
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 and
pharmacy
Fix the agreement mistake
pharmacies
show examples
 stayed the same in 2000.
Submitted by harleenkour490 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words car, park, centre with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: