IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
#proportion #population #three #countries
The line graph depicts the percentage of older residents who are part of the
USA
,
SWEDEN
 and
JAPAN
 countries from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
, it is clearly vivid from the graph that the United States of America and
Sweden
 trends
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 gone through fluctuation as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
.
Japan
 whose population was less in the past years compared to the other countries, but it will beat them in the future, keeping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sweden
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 rank and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
third
. In 1940, only 9% community of senior
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 in America and every two decades the public of elderly people was increasing till 1980 which reached up to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less than a fifth of the total population, but after 1980 it was going down by one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 till 1990 and from 1990 it is constant till 2020 and after 2020 there will be slightly less than a quarter elder citizens in the
USA
.
Likewise
USA
,
Sweden
Correct word choice
and Sweden
show examples
 has
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 trend till the year 1980 but from the year 1990,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sweden
Change noun form
Sweden's
show examples
 older folks
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased till 2010
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 20
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
, but after 2020 it is going down,
although
Sweden
 will have a quarterly number of citizens whose age is 65 or above. Unlike
Sweden
 and
USA
,
Japan
 had only five
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of oldies in 1940, even after 1940 its elderly people went down in 1960 by 1%, but from 1960 to 1990 the
elder's
Change noun form
elder
show examples
 community remained stable till 1990, but after the year 1990
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japans senior age inhabitants are rising every cycle and in 2040,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
 will have more than 25 proportion of senior citizens compared to the
USA
 and
SWEDEN
.
Submitted by shyamamw146 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, sweden, japan with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: