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The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
#hours #work #week #people #categories #activities #childcare #home #housework #information #results #men #women
The bar graph presents information on the amount of weekly unpaid working
hours
 experienced
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 married people by gender and by the
number
 of
children
Add a comma
,children
show examples
 they have.
Overall
, the
number
 of weekly unpaid
work
hours
 increased significantly in married
women
 when the
number
 of
children
 they have increased,
while
 that in married men slightly decreased when the
number
 of
children
 they have increased. Based on the information provided in the bar chart, married
women
 had
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
number
 of unpaid
work
hours
 compared to that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
married
Add an article
a married
the married
show examples
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
. The
number
 of unpaid
work
hours
 raised drastically by 20 to slightly over 50 when
women
 with 1-2
children
,
while
 the
number
 of
hours
 grew approximately by 10 to 60 when they have at least three
children
.
In addition
,
women
 had the highest
number
 of unpaid
work
hours
 when they have more than three
children
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which doubled to 60 compared to those without
children
.
In contrast
 to the increasing
number
 of unpaid
work
hours
 in
married
Add an article
the married
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 when they have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
number
 of
children
, that in married men decreased negligibly and remained slightly under 20
hours
 per week. The difference between the
number
 of unpaid
work
hours
 between the two genders increased significantly when the
number
 of
children
 increase.
In addition
, the difference reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak when they have more than three
children
. In summary, married
women
 spent more effort on housework than married men.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, number, children, work, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 12 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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