Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Obesity in the youngsters is becoming increasingly
problem
Suggestion
problematic
in many countries, especially in Australia where a relatively more
students
Suggestion
student
facing weight issues. Some people argued that
school
Suggestion
schools
the school
should be take
Suggestion
should take
immediate actions to deal with students’ over weight by monitoring and controlling food consumption and
exercise
output. I completely disagree with
this
statement. The main reason why Australian schools should be monitored their students’ food intakes and
exercise
output is in
generally students
Suggestion
general, students
general students
tend to be believe more in their teachers. Children’s have grown with a strong belief of schools that what they taught.
Therefore
, if schools have assisted to monitor these, most students much more likely to do it by either with scarcity or willingly. Take my brother as an
example who
Accept comma addition
example, who
is studying in a primary class. He always has a concern about his breakfast due to
being checked
Suggestion
be checked
been checked
by his class teacher. Indeed, students have the ability to obey their schools and follow them, so
that is
a duty of
school
Suggestion
the school
schools
to monitor them. The secondary reason why schools should check their students diet plan and
exercise
is that most of their abilities being enforced in schools.
Although
school
taught academic subjects, that
also
need to direct their students as healthy citizens to make a bride of the
school
.
For instance
, in kinder gardens, where children began to enforce certain standards
in to
expresses motion to a point on, or within, something
into
their lives. If they guided and monitored in a proper way, they would be maintained their health.
This
is true in schools as well. Cleary,
school
Suggestion
the school
should be tackle
Suggestion
should tackle
this
issue to keep up their standards to represent a moral role model. In conclusion,
this
essay discussed why schools observe their students diet and
exercise
because of
students
Suggestion
the students
that they obey and gaining attitudes in schools. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
proposition that childhood obesity is a responsibility of
schools
Suggestion
the schools
.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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