IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one european country on different days

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one european country on different days
#percentage #people #cinemas #european #country
The given bar chart displays that the
percentage
 of humans
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
going to movie
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 in one
european
Change the capitalization
European
show examples
 country
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different ways and the years are mentioned in different colours
then
 days are represented
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 x.axis and
percentages
Correct article usage
the percentages
show examples
 in
y.axis
Correct article usage
the y.axis
show examples
. To
began
Wrong verb form
begin
show examples
 with the
year
 2003 10
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of
people
were go
Change the verb form
were going
show examples
 to
movies
 in Monday and the
nextday
Correct your spelling
next day
 20percent of humans were went
movies
then
 the
wedensday
Correct your spelling
Wednesday
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased when compared to
beforeday
Correct your spelling
before day
 and
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 mentioned three days the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 were going to cinemas is
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 high and in
sunday
Change the capitalization
Sunday
show examples
people
 are
go
Change the form of the verb
going
show examples
 to
movies
 at 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 exactly. In 2005 the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
were go
Change the verb form
were going
show examples
toovies
Correct your spelling
to movies
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the first
day
 of
week
Add an article
the week
show examples
 is 18percent and
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
second
day
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
littile
Correct your spelling
little
 bit increased
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 20
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
then
 we move to Wednesday the humans are going 16
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to
movies
 and
Change preposition
on thrusday
show examples
thrusday
Correct your spelling
Thursday
 were slightly decreased and
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 two days were
imcrasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 bar
percentage
 one by one and
last
day
 is
sunday
Change the capitalization
Sunday
show examples
percentage
 at 38. We go to
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 mentioned
year
 2007 the percentages of
this
year
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 bit
Correct your spelling
increasing
interesting
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 and decreasing we see
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
monady
Correct your spelling
Monday
money
 the
percentage
 at 13 and Tuesday at 19percent and see
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Wednesday is 8percent the bar is
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
down and the
next
diplay
Correct your spelling
display
 three years were increased and the
sunday
Change the capitalization
Sunday
show examples
percentage
 is 30 above In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 the highest
percentage
 of
movies
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
going by
people
 is 45percent in the
year
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
2005 on Saturday because that
day
 is the weekend
day
 and
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of living is too high
then
 the low
percentage
 is 8 in 2007 on Wednesday because
people
 are busy
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing on own work only.
Submitted by naveenchowdary367 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, next".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, year, people, movies, day with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 11 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: