The time people devote in job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem. What problem will this shortage of time causes.

world

Suggestion

the world

is passing through the 21th century, all the nations are developing in

this

era. It is the global issue these days that the employees who devote their unique time to any organization or industry those have very less time for their personal

life

and

this

problem has become widespread. I strongly accord to

this

statement and I will provide strong view points in the forthcoming verses before reaching to plausible conclusion.

undeniably

Suggestion

Undeniably

, escalation of unemployment rate among the youngsters as well as market products is increasing at high rates. Every individual is

into

Suggestion

rat race

Suggestion

a rat race

the rat race

to earn more and more money so anonymously people have become

workaholic

Suggestion

workaholics

a workaholic

and money minded.

Furthermore

, all the companies

does only think

Suggestion

are only thinking

about their benefits they give overtime working hours to employees so workers kills each other to high earning.

conspicuously

Suggestion

Conspicuously

, if a person, spend his most of precious time out of the

home

Accept comma addition

home, then

then

unquestionably his family relations will be weaker and it leads to

myriads

Suggestion

the myriads

of problems which have their hazardous effects on one’s

life

Firstly

person

Suggestion

a person

the person

can lose his partner.

Moreover

divorce rate

Suggestion

the divorce rate

will be increased if

this

sort of tendency spontaneously goes on

Accept space

also individual

Accept comma addition

Also, individual

Also individual

can attain

sedentary

Suggestion

the sedentary lifestyle

sedentary lifestyle

a sedentary lifestyle

life

style which leads to dangerous ailments

such

as obesity, stress and depression

etcetera and

Accept comma addition

etcetera, and

it is

also

claimed by Apollo hospital’s research on software employees. To conclude, it can be said that undeniably bucks are main need of today’s materialistic world but personal

life

should never be ignored. Governments

also

must implement some rules about duties.

Submitted by fgf583770 on Thu Nov 28 2019

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4.50

Overall Band Score

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Include an introduction and conclusion

Support main points with an explanation and then an example

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Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

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Grammatical Range: 4.0

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Task Achievement: 4.0

Answer all parts of the question

6.5

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The time people devote in job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem. What problem will this shortage of time causes.

Fully explain your ideas

The best way to understand others culture is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the main environment problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environment problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The globalisation has brought both advantages and disanvantages.To what destent do you agree or disagree?

Many things that use to be done in the home by hand are now being done by the machines. Does this development bring more advantage or disadvantage.

When cars and cyclists use the same roads, there are often problems. Why is this the case? What are the solutions?