IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
#hours #work #week #people #categories #activities #childcare #home #housework #information #results #men #women
The diagram graph shows
Correct article usage
the reponsibilities
show examples
reponsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 of
maried
Correct your spelling
married
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 weekly
chore
Fix the agreement mistake
chores
show examples
 by gender,
child
number
 and
hours
. A glance at the graph
reveal
Change the verb form
reveals
show examples
 that
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
child
number
 has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
time
 of families.
Firstly
, The graph illustrates
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 gender are more activities than
men
. First diagram work
time
 is
Correct article usage
a totally
show examples
totally
Replace the word
total
show examples
50
Change preposition
of 50
show examples
hours
 which is without children. The male gender works under 20
hours
,
while
female
Add an article
the female
a female
show examples
 is 30
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week. As
size
Add an article
the size
show examples
 of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 is growing
such
 as 1-2
child
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 work
time
 increase significantly
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
 50
hours
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
men
 do. The
third
graphs
Fix the agreement mistake
graph
show examples
 shows which is over 3
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 the
females
Change to a genitive case
female's
females'
show examples
 chore peak at 60
hours
.
However
,
men
 do not have
Correct article usage
the reponsibilitiy
show examples
reponsibilitiy
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
care
Fix the infinitive
to care
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
In contrast
,
Change the article
a
the
show examples
number
 of working
time
 is
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
, as
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
child
number
. In short, when the family get a
child
, the women
passing
Wrong verb form
pass
show examples
 more
time
 than
men
 do.
Moreover
,
men
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
child
 care, all chore and other activities were
incured
Correct your spelling
incurred
 by women.
Submitted by wujiyaha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words child, number, hours, time, men with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: